The Perfect Mom Does Exist

I remember from the day I found out I was pregnant, I started planning out how I wanted to raise my baby. What I would do, what I wouldn’t do, what techniques I would use, and which ones I wouldn’t. I thought I was ahead of the game with all the planning I had been doing. I spend countless hours reading articles on why babies do the things they do, why they cry, should I sleep train, should I do BLW. You name it, I read it!

Fast forward 9 months later into the delivery room and what felt like a never-ending labour, I finally held my daughter in my arms. I don’t know what I felt at that moment. I was so exhausted, and very much numb. Wait, I was hungry too! Very hungry! No one tells you that you can’t eat when you’re in the hospital. So mama’s – make sure you eat before you go to the hospital! One thing that I did know was that I wanted a photo! Yes – for the memories and for the gram.

As a few minutes had passed, and the realization sunk in that she was my baby, the very human that had been kicking inside me all this time, I smiled. I was happy, and I knew I was well prepared for motherhood – after all, I had been reading and researching for months!

Hah! That feeling did not last for long. After a few hours, the constant crying started. It was almost as if everything I had prepared for was for nothing. I tried to feed her, but I wasn’t producing enough milk. Just getting her to latch was stressful. Was she hungry now? Is that why she won’t stop crying? Is she cold? I remember reading that they were always a bit colder than us. Should I change her? Is she tired? I’m rocking her but she won’t calm down. What do I do?

This is the very moment that it hit me. I was not ready at all. I didn’t know what to do. I was beginning to question it all. I’m not cut out for this. I can feel my stress level kicking in, but I kept telling myself, I got this.

The first few nights at home after the hospital was brutal. I was tired. My head hurt. My eyes hurt. Everyone had their opinions on how things should be done. Am I doing it all wrong? Am I not good enough? Why are they telling me how to parent? I’m not good enough. I just want to be the perfect mom.

I was stressed out the first few days, but as time went by, I got into the rhythm of things, and that’s when I realized that I could do it my way if it works for me. I don’t need to do something because that’s how everyone else was doing it. I was doing fine. My baby was crying but I had it under control. I figured out why and it was okay (I mean sometimes I didn’t, but that was okay too!).

I had been so busy trying to prepare for this baby, because I wanted to be the perfect mom, and I didn’t realize that no matter what, I was the perfect mom. I was the perfect mom for my baby.

So mama, here is a message to you:

Don’t let anyone tell you that the perfect mom doesn’t exist, because she does. It’s you!